Ut Humiliter Opinor

Joel Stein didn’t even wait until Friday to start trashing the new Harry Potter book in his latest humor column:

Hogwarts fans, you’re stupid, stupid, stupid

Next Saturday, when the sixth Harry Potter book comes out, at the very least I want you to stammer excuses when I see “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” on your nightstand. I want you to claim you’re reading it to make sure it’s OK for your kids, or your future kids, or even, if you have to, for kids in general.

I make no such excuses. I enjoy reading them. Initially I thought they would be for my kids, but I found I actually liked them (unlike some of the other stuff for their age).

After a generation of boomers choosing to remain in a state of stunted adolescence — wearing jeans, smoking pot and cranking their BMW stereos to blast Eminem songs they clearly don’t like — the next generation has opted for a stunted toddlerhood … When we share our entertainment palette with the Wiggles set — watching comic book movies and teenage singing talent shows — we deny an attempt to understand human emotion.

Maybe you’ll feel better Joel, when you realize that not only am I reading Harry Potter along with my kids, but that they are reading things like “Romeo & Juliet” and watching things like “Phantom of the Opera” with me. Dumbing down of entertainment is certainly a problem, but don’t assume that enjoying Harry Potter means that you ignore the important works of our society. A little balance is a good thing.

After reading the newspaper reviews, I wasn’t expecting a lot out of “Fantastic Four”. Critics slammed it right and left. It wasn’t “dark enough” (Batman) or personal enough (Spider-Man). After seeing it today with my pre-teen, though, I have to say the critics were wrong - and boy is Hollywood glad:

‘Fantastic’ debut snaps box-office downturn

“It took four superheroes to end this slump, and Hollywood is grateful,” Dergarabedian said. “Comic-book movies, if properly marketed, are exactly what mainstream audiences want to see in their summer movies. This just proves again that if you bring out the right kind of movie, people will line at the theater.”

Make no mistake, FF is not high drama - it’s a popcorn flick plain and simple. If you don’t know the basics, here they are: four friends get exposed to cosmic rays in space, giving them super-powers. The four are not all of one mind, though, and their dysfunctional-family relationship is as much a part of the story as their powers and their fight against von Doom (the bad guy who’s also with them in the accident).

Reed (Ioan Gruffud) is a geek, plain and simple. He gets more worked up over spacesuits made with unstable molecules instead of the fact that his ex-girlfriend Sue is already wearing it skin-tight looking hot! He’s the play-it-safe type who has to learn that sometimes you have to take risks. Computer programmers everywhere are secretly rooting for him, don’t let them tell you any different.

Johnny (Chris Evans) and Ben (Michael Chiklis) are the comic relief. Johnny is the hot-rod, thrill-seeker who likes his transformation to the Human Torch, and he constantly harasses the dour Ben, who has to deal with his permanent transformation to the rocky Thing. When Ben crunches Johnny’s car into a metal ball, you can’t help but laugh.

Sue (Jessica Alba) is the weak point of the group as a character. She is there to point out Reed and Johnny’s flaws, show off a little flesh, and talk tough to her ex-boss von Doom.

Victor von Doom (Julian McMahon) is the film’s weak spot. A hero flick is generally made on the strength of its villain, and von Doom comes across as pretty mediocre. Compared to Magneto in the X-Men - where they very effectively told his back story and rationale - Doom is a cardboard cut-out villain: greedy, corporate bad guy who - on the verge of losing his company - decides to take out his personal frustrations on the heroes. Pretty weak, but not very essential to the movie, fortunately.

So, the film itself goes over well. As far as the critics and Hollywood go, I keep hoping that they will realize that well-made, family-friendly movies with a good story can do very well for them. Even though it was PG-13, I had read enough to know that most pre-teens will have little problem with it. After seeing it, I’m almost surprised it was PG-13. It’s a pretty family-friendly movie overall - and that’s always a plus when titillation and toilet-humor seem to rule the box office as much as anything else.